Duck Duck Cougar?
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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