She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
vagina is talking i cant
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
