i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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