That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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