I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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