The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
