Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
