fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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