It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
