onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
