I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Randomize
