No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
