I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
