Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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