so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
