i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
