"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Randomize