took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
