this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
The feeling are messing with the penis
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
