He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
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