We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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