I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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