I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
And my parents said I crawled through the house
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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