Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
