I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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