Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
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