Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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