gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
