u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
