Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
