Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Randomize
