Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
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