So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
