I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
