I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Help. Why am I so naked?
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