Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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