theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
