Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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