You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
