that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Im part way to drunk.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
