So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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