I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
