Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
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