You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
