singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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