We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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