i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
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