i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
