you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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