I'm so fucking centered right now
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize