I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
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