looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
