so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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