i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
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