New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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