Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
