So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
My vagina just recognized that song.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
