Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
