Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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