I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
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