i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
