the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
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