don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Randomize
