Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
