Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
