They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
