Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
