I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
