the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
