I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Found your dick twin last night
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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