hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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