yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
