He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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