Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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