i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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