you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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