false alarm. still invincible.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Randomize
