Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I just forgot I was standing up.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
