I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
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