can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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