Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
this is an emotional support booty call
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
