I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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