i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
