If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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