According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I have feelings that need drinking.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
