My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
