so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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